luxemburger

So, I'm realizing more and more that the friends I spend the most time with and rely on the most emotionally are essentially friends of convenience. Ugh. I think that probably sounds horrible, but I don't mean it as negatively as it sounds. They're good people, but we're friends because we work together, mostly. And because we meet each other's needs best out of everyone else that we could be friends with at work. But the thing I'm realizing is that doesn't necessarily mean we actually do meet each other's needs, and that my needs, specifically, really aren't being met, like even a little right now.

This realization isn't entirely limited to work friends, but it's fairly well centered around them. Possibly because it's easier to spread out the disappointment to a larger circle of people who I like but mostly would not be heartbroken about if we weren't in each other's lives, as opposed to the two or three other friends I've known much longer and been much closer to who are also included in this realization as a result of awkward transition business.

Augh. It's been a bad week for social-emotional stuff. I'm feeling way too paranoid in every social interaction I have, and my disappointment in various things is manifesting itself as irrational anger with a side of uncontrollable crying every now and then. Man, I could use a hug, maybe like a long-lasting horizontal one where I get to be the little spoon or whatever that's called, have you guys heard of that? Oh, and way more of you guys in my life. That would be nice too.

...which reminds me, does anybody else have a list of fantasy friends, kind of like a fantasy baseball team? Because I totally do, and it consists of, like, people I'm friends with online that I wish I lived closer to, and friends of mine who don't know each other but totally should because in my head they get along so well, and people who I know but am not as close to as I would like to be. Sometimes I actually forget that this list is only in my head. So, does anybody else do that? If so, what does your list look like?