luxemburger

Guess who has two thumbs and just woke up from a 14 hour sleep?

Yeah, yeah. I'm too tired to even think of a decent punchline. I think Liz Lemon came up with the best one for that kind of joke, anyway.

So I saw that my cousin Julie had messaged me on Facebook early this morning, when I woke up to move from the couch to the bed, but I only saw the subject and first part of the first line of the message, which were "Confusion" and "What's your inspiration for..." respectively.

Now the thing about my cousin Julie is I don't know her very well. She's like 13 years older than I am and we never lived anywhere near each other, so I'm pretty sure I've only met her a handful of times, and none of those meetings have happened in at least 15 years.

I still feel like I know a fair amount about her, because I've spent a ton of time with her dad, my uncle John, my dad's oldest brother, and the rest of our aunts and uncles, of course, but I just haven't spent a lot of time with her. Things that I do know about her (in chronological order) include that she went vegetarian at a young age, that she's bipolar, that she converted to being a devout Mormon when she got married, that she's had four children in six years, and that she had me and my cousin Tim friended on FB for months before she realized that neither of us are straight and then made a status asking when "all of her cousins turned gay [...] and what does she tell her kids?!"

(That last one made for some awkward times.)

In any case, she seems very nice. I don't want to say that she's not... but she's also weird in the sense that I don't know how we could ever really get to know each other, even though we're first cousins, because of our differences and the amount of time and space between us.

Anyway. I was assuming the message had to do with my name change, and I spent a few hours thinking about how I would respond. I have a few cousins on my dad's side friended on FB, so I haven't been expecting them to be totally clueless, but the only family person I've really discussed any of this gender business with other than my mom is my aforementioned cousin Tim.

So I was like, okay, this is a test run, sort of. How to tell the straight, non-queer contingent of the family. This is a good thing.

But then I actually read the message. And, ugh.

"Confusion"

What's your inspiration for dressing like a man? Don't you like the feminine graces that you were given? Why is it that some lesbians remain "feminine" and others try to be "masculine"? I'm just curious where your motivations come from.

I know your Dad is quite a sad case, but do you realize how much you are flattering him by dressing like him? I would think you'd prefer to do your best to look like anything but him.

I believe you were given your female attributes for very divine reasons. Don't you know that? You have the power to bring life into this world - and to nurture that life with far more love and attention than was ever bestowed upon you.

You are a beautiful young woman. You have so much to offer this world. What do you really want from this life?

I hope someday you can experience the joys of motherhood. And that your children can have a father worthy of your companionship to help you raise them.

You will never find unconditional love like that from your own children. I testify of that.

It's unfortunate that you didn't have a very good father, he's obviously done a lot of damage to how you view men in this world.

But please don't forget that you are indeed a daughter of a Heavenly Father who knows you Samantha. He made you. He gave you the opportunity to come into this world. He gave you your trials because He knew you'd be able to overcome them.

The toughest trials are only given to the strongest spirits. Ordinary trials aren't enough to strengthen extraordinary people.

Have you forgotten what you came here for? Ask Him. I think He'd love to hear from you...

Ugh. I don't agree with what she wrote, but I can't deny that it had its intended effect on me. I don't even know how to respond. Despite the religious tone (which creeps me out, in general, whenever I see that sort of thing), I think she's coming from a decent place, so I would like to respond. I just have no idea how. And in the mean time, I will just be over here, wondering what the hell I think I'm doing.

[ETA: Okay, so. I stewed for a few hours and then I went and exercised for a good, solid hour, and now I am feeling much more centered.

I sent this as a response:

The funny thing about us is that we don't know each other very well, do we? Even though we're cousins? We've never really had a chance to spend time together and figure out what kind of relationship we have.

Given that, I'd love the chance to talk more, if you'd like. I can tell you more about myself, about my parents, about my religious views, about my gender and/or sexuality - whatever you'd like to know. I'd be happy to share that kind of information with you, and learn more about you, and maybe then we can understand each other better.

For now though, I'll just say that I appreciate your concern for my well-being and I know it's coming from a place of good intentions, but I would love it if we knew each other better before sharing these sorts of things.

A few months ago I would have signed this as Sammi, but I'm going to sign this as truthfully as I can.

All my love,
Your cousin,
Marshall

Crossing my fingers she takes it the way it was intended, which is to say "well"!]