luxemburger

Gift cards are such wonderful things. *g*

I got myself a copy of Mirah's remix cd the other day. Actually, it's two cds, but there are a lot of tracks that aren't really as good as I think they could be. So. I uploaded the ones I like.

Zip.

( Individual tracks. )

Dear anyone who loves me,

Songs whose lyrics use the word 'baby' as a direct address. I need them! I don't care about genre or mood. I want anything and everything you can give me! I am a sucker for the direct address.

Please indulge my weird fetish.

Also: My insomnia is back. I was doing better for a while, but lately...

Sunday night I didn't sleep at all. Tuesday night I didn't sleep at all. Last night I got two hours of sleep, maybe three. On the bright side, I've been relatively productive this week, as I told myself if I was going to be awake, I was going to be awake and doing shit. Yesterday by nine o'clock in the morning, I'd already washed, dried and folded two loads of laundry, gotten my oil changed and washed and vacuumed my car. Which is nice, but I'd still rather have slept.

On the other bright side, I can start blaming some of my stranger habits on the fact that I haven't been sleeping. Unfortunately that excuse will never fly with people who already know me even the littlest bit. Hmm. Perhaps I should make myself some new acquaintances!

Also also: I started PMSing a week and a half ago. Why am I not bleeding yet? Jesus Christ. Not cool, body. Not cool, hormones. My period used to be so predictable.

Also also also: ANI. TOMORROW NIGHT. ASDJLKJGFDSA!

I know I've uploaded The Reputation before, but just one or two tracks at a time right? Never all of To Force A Fate? I don't have their other cd (I'd love to, I just don't), but this one. Gah. Almost every song has this utterly visceral effect on me, breaking my heart and empowering me at the same time.

You know that question about if you were president, what would you make people do? I'd make them listen to The Reputation.

I think I'm going to be very happy this semester. My Creative Writing teacher is so enthusiastic. She's clearly intelligent, but also a little airheaded in a funny, friendly way, and that's my absolute favorite combination ever. Kristin doesn't like her. I found myself laughing all the way through class, but I didn't hear Kristin laugh once, and really, this is her least attractive quality. She hardly ever just lets herself enjoy anything. It's so funny that it's when I'm spending more time with the girl that I want her the least.

I have to turn in an "Introduction Letter" tomorrow about where I am in my writing, my experience, my personality, etc. I started writing it last night, and I was trying to explain how uncomfortable I am with my words lately and why that is, and I realized something. When I was with Kristin, I shied away from writing because I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want to write something unpleasant and have it upset her. And now that I'm not with her and now that I've got all these things in my life that I adore - friends and more than friends and school and work and my apartment and my family - I still don't want to rock the boat. I'm still afraid of upsetting things and causing myself chaos. And I hate that. Yes I want to keep the stability, but I want to write too and I can't keep fucking shying away from things just because they might cause complications. So. I'm going to work on that.

Okay, class now. Linguistics, mmm. I'm so excited I might dance all the way to the building.

I could not sleep after work last night, so I said to hell with waiting until the morning to drive to Illinois, I'm going to drive to Illinois now. (And then I spent an hour and a half throwing songs onto a driving playlist.)

I love the fact that I grew up in Illinois. You know why? Everything else is SO exciting in comparison. I mean, I don't know many people who would be as starry-eyed as I was, driving through
Indiana at five-thirty in the morning.

I saw a lake/campgrounds, nestled in the crook of highway interchange. There was the lake itself, which looked more like a pond, and then a dozen or so campers parked around the edge of the water. Then there were soybean fields. And the highway. And a gas station on the other side of the road. Oh god, can you imagine growing up with that as your vacation every year? Yay, pond. In the middle of nowhere. Fifteen feet from cars going upward of 70 MPH.

I'm tempted to attempt to write a story about this.

Other points of interest about the songs that came up on my iPod

- "all the ways your fingers would find me" is the hottest lyric ever - ever!
- Cradle and All followed by Shy? most amazing original line-up ever
- Yuri-G is apparently a love song to the moon! all the more reason to love it!
- must fight the urge to start describing people as being "all la-di-da"
- Time Running + wheel drumming = OTP!
- Right In Time never fails to put a goofy, sappy smile on my face

And you are all saved from my bullet points of doom because my mother is ready to go to the bank now.

ALSO.

If someone can find me a copy of the song Worship by Halflight that I can either pay for or download somewhere? I will love that person forever and ever.

I currently have it playing on my MySpace page, but if I didn't have to go there every time I want to hear the song, well. I'd be delighted! More delighted.

Ahahaha. I love surprising people.

So! Apparently Annie was supposed to have sex with a guy tonight, but she has a date tomorrow, so she didn't want to "feel slutty." She cancelled on him yesterday, got bored today - and decided to call me.

She hit on me all night, and then she looked shocked when I didn't invite her back to my apartment. Ahaha. The look on her face. Priceless! Honestly. I have zero desire to help her feel like a whore. And less than zero desire to be someone's second choice! Also, she talked about her hair all night, and I was very not turned on by that. Talk about something else!

Ahaha. Her face. I'm still laughing.

( It's a shame she's so vapid. I looked good tonight. )

Completely shifting gears, I am dying of not being able to upload music. I made an amazing playlist the other day, and I've been listening to it lots, and I want to upload the songs, dammit! I guess I can settle for spamming with lyrics.

You see, I have loved the song Little Bit of You by Laura Cantrell for years now. And I've always wanted the lyrics to apply to me in a relationship, but they never have. I am not known for taking things slowly! Except the lyrics totally apply right now, and I can't possibly explain how delighted this makes me! Delighted!

( Little Bit Of You )

My heart! It twitters!

[ETA: I got recced! Hee. I like people liking my story.]

I saved a skunk's life last night, but I think someone ran over it a couple of hours later. And I am sad over this!

Also, why is my mother on crack? We had a good conversation last night. She didn't talk over me! Or ignore half of what I said! But apparently she does not remember how parts of the conversation went, so she made things up. Way to go, Mom.

But appaaaaaarently my great-aunt knows I am gay. No one told her; my grandma said not to! I wish I could see my grandma's face when she realizes that Aunt Veronica figured it out on her own. But nothing! Nothing could be funnier than the time Grandma and Aunt Veronica tried to make potato salad and ended up wrestling over the potatoes. Oh god. Laughing now.

I e-mailed Kristin the other day to tell her that I had a couple of her DVDs and she had my first disc of Arrested Development, and she said we could exchange them. So! We had dinner last night. And I was obnoxious, and it was beautiful. I think she enjoyed herself, but it's hard to tell. In any case, I took great pleasure in mentioning as often as possible what a friennnnndly meal we were sharing.

My roommate came home at some point last night while I was dancing around the apartment. I don't know when. I have my fingers crossed that it was while I had my door shut, but all I know is that when I started dancing he wasn't there and when I finished he was. Damn the Smiths! And the HorrorPops! And Tegan & Sara! Let my feet rest. Please?

(Also, you know you're weird when you pay more attention to the cool way that What Difference Does It Make segues into Miss Take than to what your hand is doing between your legs. asdfghjkl;lkjhgfdsa! Lame.)

I've been working on this baby since May, so woo! It's finally done.

( Huge, gigantic spoilers for the book. )

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. I don't know that Sleater-Kinney is my favorite band (they're definitely up there), but there is NO ONE who could show me a better band.

I actually started crying a little near the end. They played Turn It On as the last song pre-encore, and I got craaaazy into it. I'm not surprised that I got teary afterward; I've been known to get teary after Turn It On just singing along in my car, but singing it along with Corin and three-quarters of the audience? Way more intense.

Turn It On was the first song of theirs that I fell in love with, and every time I hear it, it's like I'm fifteen again and desperate - and the only way to save myself is to sing the hell out of that song. I was so happy that they played the song at all, and as soon as I heard the opening notes I started jumping up and down and grinning like an idiot.

Actually, there were several moments of me jumping up and down like that. Like when they played Oh! and everybody got into the oh-whoa-whoas, and I started beaming because I realized how fitting and appropriate the lyrics are. And when they played What's Mine Is Yours! Because I love the groove on that so, so much, and Corin does a cute sway-y dance thing part of the way through the song.

Okay, so, I've never seen Sleater-Kinney live before, but the three of them are just like their pictures and videos. I mean, just like them, except way more real and larger than life. Carrie really does throw her body around with the guitar, and Janet really does goes nuts on the drums. Corin's voice is just as powerful (oh god, Sympathy), and her sidelong glances and smirk/smiles are just as entrancing. They're all entrancing. So intense and so good at what they do.

Honestly that was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. An hour and a half drive to Louisville was totally worth it (and very short compared to the people who were there from like... Colorado and Arizona and Florida).

( A roughed out setlist and some commentary. )

Okay, I am going back to bed now. I didn't fall asleep until after five, and then I rolled out of bed 45 minutes ago to check my e-mail, and it turned into finishing this post. So. Going to sleep for a few more hours.

[ETA: OH. And I can't figure out how I'd do Chuck, Fuck or Marry with the three of them, and it's bothering me. I don't want to get rid of any of them. Carrie said that Janet's the one who tells jokes, so if that's true I'd want to marry her. But I was also thinking about picking her for the sex because she's got to have really awesome stamina with her hands. Then Corin's a mom, so she might be good to marry, but she's also SO HOT and could I marry her and not have sex? I don't think so. And then there's Carrie and I just don't know what to do with any of them. Oh god, please don't go "on hiatus," S-K.]

[ETA2: ( From the message board on sleater-kinney.net )]

[ETA3: I need to stop reading articles about the band. It's depressing me.]

Grr, argh!

I have an appointment in 25 minutes with a potential room/apartment/housemate, and I'm trying to figure out if I look okay or not, but every mirror and camera in the apartment is showing me something different. Oh well. His first impression is going to be whatever it's going to be.

( For the record, this is how I look today. )

P.S. Take another Emily White song.

I hate money. I hate that it makes everything so hard and awkward. I just want to go to school.

Tonight I tried to talk to my dad about filling out forms for the loan renewal. He said, "i am going to have a problem with my credit. i am working on fixing it i will get back to u later tonight love u sam," and then getting back to me later consisted of sending me an e-card. (It's a cute card, but that's beside the point. I need to talk to him.)

Then I called my mom, partially to vent, but mostly to ask for advice about roommate/apartment hunting on a financial time line, and I am proud of myself - I talked so much that I wore her off the phone. Hee. It normally goes the other way.

Other than financial worries, today's been a really good day. I made dinner tonight - chicken and egg noodles. I pan-fried the chicken with olive oil and fresh basil (and other spices). Mmm. It was delicious, and now I am full. (See leiascully? I am eating. You do not need to fret.)

( Musical finds. )

And now I am going to bed! Because I have the taste of ice cream and toothpaste in my mouth and I have sweet lists to make in my sleep.

Rose Polenzani is 500% adorable.

Why my little sister will always be a better dancer than me: I'd rather dance to The Smiths. I'm going to have to come to terms with this, aren't I? My music isn't made for rump shaking.

I can't believe the weekend is already over. I worked Thursday night and Saturday night, and last night I watched the first season of Grey's Anatomy... but the rest of the weekend? I slept a lot? And procrastinated a lot? Oh and one night I thought there was a giant rat in the bathroom. I went in there holding the broom, ready to flail, but it turned out to be the neighbors doing something weird to the wall. (Well, I hope it was the neighbors doing something weird to the wall. I saw no giant rat.)

Heeee. I love the new job. I've only had two nights in uniform so far, and one of those nights was spent taking qualification quizzes, but Saturday night I got to make shakes and follow my trainer around to her tables. I am a dork and it makes me blushy and excited when people tell me that I am helpful.

My trainer reminds me of someone, but I can't figure out who. One of the other trainers reminds me of Allison Sperling (in that she's short and funny and good at getting people to do things). I like everyone a lot, and I think one of the managers is gay, if I caught the conversation that I think I did. Even if he's not, I like him anyway.

I was worried I'd feel out of place at work, but I don't and that makes me happy. Now all I have to worry about is making sure I get enough money and making sure my dad re-applies for that loan. I wonder when I should talk to him about that. Maybe tomorrow, if he gets online.

I thought this summer would bring me answers. That if I metaphorically meditated long enough, the path to (the right) enlightenment would unfurl before my eyes. But two months through and the only answer I've got is that I think I've had the right idea all along. I was hoping for something a little more dramatic, but this will do.

I also thought this post was going to go in an entirely different direction, one in which I'd talk about the parallels between this summer and the summer three years ago and how much I've grown since then, except - I'm still just as headstrong and determined to do things in my own special way.

They're just working out better this time around. ^_^

( Music again. Four songs. )

A substitution on the giant sex mix: Come Into My World (Fischerspooner Remix). Now with 200% more breathiness. Oh Kylie.

Also, let's play Chuck, Fuck or Marry. You name three people (and then I'll probably name a few for you too), and I have to choose which one I marry, which one I have sex with, and which one I throw over the side of a cliff. (Had my brain broken a couple of weeks ago when faced with this choice: Mac from Veronica Mars, Anya from Buffy, or Maud from Fingersmith.) It's an evil, evil game, but fun! Very fun. Let's play.

Whoa. An entire month passed before I noticed that it's been three years since I lost my virginity. Three years, one month, and six days, to be exact.

My first time... wasn't exactly perfect, but it was tender and had witty banter. And, you know, breasts that weren't mine. Those were a plus.

When I came home, not the very next day, but the day after, the first thing I did was make a list of songs to which I wanted to have sex in the future. I don't remember all of the songs on the list. I remember a couple. Making the list seemed like a really important thing to do at the time. The girl was leaving for six weeks, and she mentioned maybe picking up again once she came back. Choosing songs was my way of remaining hopeful.

Last night I updated the list, in honor of the anniversary that slid past without recognition. ( I went a little overboard. )

I'm back from California, but on my way to Aurora for the weekend. I am so tired of driving, but I'm excited about seeing my family. One of my cousins is staying with us tonight, so I'll get to see her. Yay.

Now I am just waiting on a new battery to be installed in my car so that I can leave. It was supposed to be done this morrrrrrning, but it's after one two four and I still have no battery. So.

( More music. )

Tagged, sort of, by chimbleysweep, as my name also begins with S!

List seven songs you're into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions on your LJ along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to. Select a lyric from the song that you really like, too.

( Muuusic. )

In other news, it seems that whether or not I get any sleep, I am destined to be awake before eight o'clock in the morning. Oddly enough, I do not appear to mind.

Oh, right. Tagging. I tag everyone who reads this without socks on.

The new live Over the Rhine cd is supposed to ship before the end of the month. I've been checking the mailbox every day with my fingers crossed. Faithfully Dangerous (right-click save) is listed as the first track, and I'm hoping that it might be the piano version they performed the first time I saw them in concert. I didn't think that song could be any sexier until I heard it live. *prays*

Today has been weird. The World Can Wait (same, please) came on in the car, and I was suddenly thrown back into the end of my junior year of high school.

Next weekend will be two years since... since a lot of things, really. Since Kit broke up with me. Since I've visited my aunt in California. Since the beginning of whatever it was that happened between me and Hannah. It doesn't feel like two years have gone by. I've been thinking about my life all day, my life and all of the way in which it's different than it used to be.

God I can't even imagine how I would handle that week now. Back then, I'd write. This is what I wrote in my journal the day I got back from California and she dumped me, but I can't imagine writing anything that emotionally raw now. I guess we all build certain walls. I just hadn't realized how high mine had grown until that song came on this afternoon.